Tuesday, November 4, 2014

[gita-talk] Learning to Let Go of Ill Feelings about Others - How?


I have been doing satsang for over ten years and I have also read maharajji's books and sadhak messages regularly.   In spite of all this satsang,  I seem to hold grudges about certain things with certain people.   When I think of a particular person,  I am always reminded about the thing I hold against them.   e.g. those who did not provide me the emotional support when my father passed away,  and similar incidents... etc.   I cannot seem to forget and I hold on to this ill feeling about others  within me.      

It troubles me that being somewhat spiritual,  I can't change this quality in me.   In maharajji's  books he says that these qualities are not in me.  That which comes and goes is not me (self).   But these sayings don't seem to satisfy me,  as I wish to see some of the divine qualities that saints have,  also in me.  
Please help me understand Swamiji's points,   not with an overly philosophical approach,  but more something rational,  simple that can be easily understood.   

Thank you,  

Bala G K   

The knot of this grudge you hold is not due to the lack of emotional support your received, rather the knot of this grudge is due to the desire that you have of seeking emotional support from them.   Who is answerable for this desire ?   They or you ?   It is a straight-forward point, that you are answerable for this desire.   When this desire was not fulfilled, then,  are they at fault,  or you yourself.  It is a straight-forward  point -  you are  at fault.   Now what to do?    Listen !  

They did not give you emotional support (no one can change the past incidents,  not even you),  so let it go!  There can be no response better than this,   because with this the know of the grudge you hold will be cut off.   


आपके grudge की जड़ उन लोगोंका आपके प्रति निष्ठुर व्यवहार (पिताके निधनपर आपको emotional support नहीं दी) नहीं है अपितु उनसे emotional support पानेकी (आपकी) कामना ही आपके grudge की जड़ है। इस कामनाके लिये कौन उत्तरदायी है? वे लोग या आप स्वयं? सीधी बात है उस कामनाके लिये आप स्वयं उत्तरदायी हैं। 
जब वह कामना पूरी नहीं हुई तो उसमें वे लोग दोषी हुये या आप स्वयं? सीधी बात है आप स्वयं दोषी हैं। 
अब करें क्या? वह सुनिये। 
उन्होंने आपको emotional support नहीं दी (भूतकालमें घटितको कोई भी नहीं बदल सकता, आप भी नहीं), जाने दीजिये (let go करिये), इससे अच्छी प्रतिक्रिया कुछ हो नहीं सकती क्योंकि इसीसे आपकी grudge की जड़ कटेगी। 


Dear Sadaks,

Mr.Bala your statement, "In spite of all this satsang,  I seem to hold grudges about certain things with certain people."   Hearing or studying any amount of Sat Sangh will not give practical knowledge, because of some Karma of past birth blocking. Also hidden not traceable ego within oneself causes this block. Ex: Sri Adi Sankara while walking in Kasi street, a chandalan (one who eats dog flesh) came in opposite direction. Sri Sankara said to go aside. The Chandalan questioned Sri Adi Sankara about body and soul. Their discussion is script "Manasha Panchakam". Sri Adi sankara realized his Ego (That he is superior to other) and fell on feet of Chandala who became Bhagavan SHIVA and blessed Adi Sankara. Similar thing happened to many saints, who realized at once. When God knows our mind that we are ready to accept our ego, HE also will appear to us.


Your Statement:- "When I think of a particular person,  I am always reminded about the thing I hold against them".    Here this is Vasana (Strong thoughts). This develops in mind due to rethinking of same person. In script Vivekachudamani, it is said, that every thought is like a thin string. Same thoughts forms more number of strings. These thin strings gets twisted and forms a thick rope in spiral form. To undo the spiral, it is difficult and can be achieved by sadana only and blessing of GOD. Here also if one thinks he is doing Sadana, it fails due to "I" am doing sadana. Think of GOD rather those people. Besides those people were none other than whom you insulted in past birth, a dialogue between Sri Rama HIS Guru Sri Vasista. Ex:- from puranas. The hunch back lady (Who sent Sri Rama to forest) in Srimath Ramayana is the same lady (as Trivankara- 3 crooked shaped lady) in Sri Math Bagavath, that Sri Krishna made her beautiful. If you read Srimath Ramayan or Sri Krishna Leelas, you will find that Matha Sita or Sri Rama never spoke single word ill about Ravana/ Sri Krishna never spoke about people (Including Arjuna) who insulted HIM. THEY were GODS to WHOM these vasanas does not get attached. IN MY CASE, I AM NOT A GOOD PERSON YET. But I keep thinking of the above said and other 2 things:- a) Christ was killed on cross. But before HIS soul departed HE said, "Oh God forgive them as they do not know what they done to me". b) Nabigal in Islamic was stoned  for nothing at all. Both these great men risen from death to austral (Non destructible) body and went to abode of GOD. I often think when someone harms me, " Was I insulted or harmed like that of Chirst". Then I feel ashamed on myself for thinking trifle things. But great scripts and in Bagavath and Srimath Ramayan easily does not forgive wrong doer. Abducting Mother Seetha is not small mistake. But Sri Rama only taught Ravana lesson, as one could note that Sri Rama stood at the feet of dying Ravana to listen his speech. One can safe guard himself from unwanted risk but not have grudge. We go to Zoo and see birds, lion, deer and tiger. Dont we enjoy them by keeping distance with lion/ tiger and close to deer and birds. Do we distinguish lion as bad one to deer? So there are people like lion/ deer and it is our vivechana to behave. Besides thinking about those who did harm to us, our BP changes to different tunes producing certain liquids good and bad. Good thought produce DOPOMINE that gives long healthy life and bad thoughts produces acids that increase BP to sugar to heart mal function. You may ask eminent doctor to clarify this. So it is our choice. Sant Tukaram was beaten by his wife with a sugar cane on his head. Sugar cane broke into 2 pieces. Tukaram smiled and said to his wife, " dear see GOD Pandurangan (Vital) broke the sugar cant into 2 pieces, one for you and other for me". Because such very high thinking, he flew to abode of GOD in view of public. One can see these places in Devu Gram near Pune.

ANOTHER good lesson I learnt. Beat a cow or stone a crow or hit a goat. None of them had grudge on me. So I accepted that I am worst then these animals.      


You said:- "It troubles me that being somewhat spiritual,  I can't change this quality in me".  

Now think WHO you are. We think we are thinking, here is our blunder. Do Nama Sankeerthan and divert your mind. Our mind will listen what you say according to script Vasista Geetha. 

 B.Sathyanarayan- Chennai


Dear Sadak,

Yes, many people think negative and it does not help. You can control your
negative feelings for others by "thinking prayers". When you think prayers or
any there thoughts, you can not be thinking anything else.This way as you
dense up your thinking prayers, all others thoughts (including your negative
feelings) will become secondary and not important. Also as you dense up your
thinking prayers, you may get "gifts" from your divine which may help you to forget your
negative feelings. 

Good Luck, Bye!

Note Sav


Hari Om

You can not forget because you have "learnt" only and  not "accepted" the fact that you are a soul and not body, mind etc. You are holding certain people to be responsible for certain things that happened with you in past. You are not believing that the adversities which you faced in the past, were results of YOUR OWN KARMA ALONE AND OF NO BODY ELSE. Now this belief that others have caused you harm, that they are bad people  to hold grudge against...this belief is ANTI-VIVEKA ( defies logic, is not correct ).  This in fact represents KUBUDDHI ( spoilt intellect ). This is not correct belief, correct approach, correct observation, correct perception or understanding , analysis by you of adversities you faced. The moment you understand this fact clearly, the moment you accept that there was NO OTHER EXCEPT YOU YOURSELF , who was responsible  for adverse circumstances, situations that you faced in the past...the moment you "Accept" this fact...you should cease to hold this totally wrong belief. 

Do not say or ever feel that " I can't change this quality in me" ! One who knows how to catch, necessarily knows how to leave. Again, if you hold this wrong belief that I cannot change- that strengthens your wrong belief because you are part of God ( SATYA SANKALPA ) and therefore whatever belief you hold, will result into an experience for you irrespective of the fact as to whether your belief is well placed or ill placed. If you accept a wrong thing to be right, that thing will start appearing right to you.  Therefore , throw this notion from your mind that - " I can not change this (ill) quality in me ". Why can't you change once you clearly understand that results you faced in the past were due to your own karma and not due to " certain people" . Consider the following couplet very seriously - 


There is no other who is giver of pleasures or pains to you. That some other gave you pain or pleasure - this very understanding/ thought / notion is representative of " spoilt intellect" !!! 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B 


Dear Bala,

Our own experience is the starting point of philosophy.    Some philosophies  brush it aside as mithyA.   A sound philosophy never ignores our own experience.      A later experience never comes back and falsifies an earlier experience.   This being the case,  there is no such thing as a correction to our experience.    THere may be correction to our knowledge.   But the corrected knowledge does not go back and falsify our  earlier  experience.

Experience is always  real.    Even the dream experience is real.    A philosophy which teaches unreality of our own experience looses the very basis for truth.  If one experience is said to be false,  then on what basis another experience can be said to be  true ?.   After all,  that experience could be false too.   

Looking at all these,   whoever taught you that your own experience is not real,  did not do  a good job.   They were simply speculating on vedAnta.

All they had to do was to study Sri VedavyAsa -  geetA/brahma-sootras/vedOpanishats  properly  and stop speculating on what you are and what you are not.

Jay N



This is a very good question. I am sure at some point many people even good students of vedanta experience this problem. 
I guess the answer is do more sadhana - sincerely without losing faith in God, eventually, the mind will get cleared. There are some good points mentioned by other sadhaks here. Thank you very much.

Padma S


English :  www.swamiramsukhdasji.net

Hindi:    www.swamiramsukhdasji.org   


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