Saturday, November 1, 2014

[gita-talk] Learning to Let Go of Ill Feelings about Others - How?


I have been doing satsang for over ten years and I have also read maharajji's books and sadhak messages regularly.   In spite of all this satsang,  I seem to hold grudges about certain things with certain people.   When I think of a particular person,  I am always reminded about the thing I hold against them.   e.g. those who did not provide me the emotional support when my father passed away,  and similar incidents... etc.   I cannot seem to forget and I hold on to this ill feeling about others  within me.      

It troubles me that being somewhat spiritual,  I can't change this quality in me.   In maharajji's  books he says that these qualities are not in me.  That which comes and goes is not me (self).   But these sayings don't seem to satisfy me,  as I wish to see some of the divine qualities that saints have,  also in me.  
Please help me understand Swamiji's points,   not with an overly philosophical approach,  but more something rational,  simple that can be easily understood.   

Thank you,  

Bala G K   

The knot of this grudge you hold is not due to the lack of emotional support your received, rather the knot of this grudge is due to the desire that you have of seeking emotional support from them.   Who is answerable for this desire ?   They or you ?   It is a straight-forward point, that you are answerable for this desire.   When this desire was not fulfilled, then,  are they at fault,  or you yourself.  It is a straight-forward  point -  you are  at fault.   Now what to do?    Listen !  

They did not give you emotional support (no one can change the past incidents,  not even you),  so let it go!  There can be no response better than this,   because with this the know of the grudge you hold will be cut off.   


आपके grudge की जड़ उन लोगोंका आपके प्रति निष्ठुर व्यवहार (पिताके निधनपर आपको emotional support नहीं दी) नहीं है अपितु उनसे emotional support पानेकी (आपकी) कामना ही आपके grudge की जड़ है। इस कामनाके लिये कौन उत्तरदायी है? वे लोग या आप स्वयं? सीधी बात है उस कामनाके लिये आप स्वयं उत्तरदायी हैं। 
जब वह कामना पूरी नहीं हुई तो उसमें वे लोग दोषी हुये या आप स्वयं? सीधी बात है आप स्वयं दोषी हैं। 
अब करें क्या? वह सुनिये। 
उन्होंने आपको emotional support नहीं दी (भूतकालमें घटितको कोई भी नहीं बदल सकता, आप भी नहीं), जाने दीजिये (let go करिये), इससे अच्छी प्रतिक्रिया कुछ हो नहीं सकती क्योंकि इसीसे आपकी grudge की जड़ कटेगी। 


Hari Om

You can not forget because you have "learnt" only and  not "accepted" the fact that you are a soul and not body, mind etc. You are holding certain people to be responsible for certain things that happened with you in past. You are not believing that the adversities which you faced in the past, were results of YOUR OWN KARMA ALONE AND OF NO BODY ELSE. Now this belief that others have caused you harm, that they are bad people  to hold grudge against...this belief is ANTI-VIVEKA ( defies logic, is not correct ).  This in fact represents KUBUDDHI ( spoilt intellect ). This is not correct belief, correct approach, correct observation, correct perception or understanding , analysis by you of adversities you faced. The moment you understand this fact clearly, the moment you accept that there was NO OTHER EXCEPT YOU YOURSELF , who was responsible  for adverse circumstances, situations that you faced in the past...the moment you "Accept" this should cease to hold this totally wrong belief. 

Do not say or ever feel that " I can't change this quality in me" ! One who knows how to catch, necessarily knows how to leave. Again, if you hold this wrong belief that I cannot change- that strengthens your wrong belief because you are part of God ( SATYA SANKALPA ) and therefore whatever belief you hold, will result into an experience for you irrespective of the fact as to whether your belief is well placed or ill placed. If you accept a wrong thing to be right, that thing will start appearing right to you.  Therefore , throw this notion from your mind that - " I can not change this (ill) quality in me ". Why can't you change once you clearly understand that results you faced in the past were due to your own karma and not due to " certain people" . Consider the following couplet very seriously - 


There is no other who is giver of pleasures or pains to you. That some other gave you pain or pleasure - this very understanding/ thought / notion is representative of " spoilt intellect" !!! 

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B 


Dear Bala,

Our own experience is the starting point of philosophy.    Some philosophies  brush it aside as mithyA.   A sound philosophy never ignores our own experience.      A later experience never comes back and falsifies an earlier experience.   This being the case,  there is no such thing as a correction to our experience.    THere may be correction to our knowledge.   But the corrected knowledge does not go back and falsify our  earlier  experience.

Experience is always  real.    Even the dream experience is real.    A philosophy which teaches unreality of our own experience looses the very basis for truth.  If one experience is said to be false,  then on what basis another experience can be said to be  true ?.   After all,  that experience could be false too.   

Looking at all these,   whoever taught you that your own experience is not real,  did not do  a good job.   They were simply speculating on vedAnta.

All they had to do was to study Sri VedavyAsa -  geetA/brahma-sootras/vedOpanishats  properly  and stop speculating on what you are and what you are not.

Jay N


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