Saturday, June 15, 2013

[gita-talk] Re: How should I look at Marriage? Attachment and Marriage


Dear all

I have been pondering on this issue since a long time and haven't been able to

Happiness is internal and it doesn't have to depend on anything external.

But once you are in a relationship like marriage- how much attachment is fair.
Can non attachment be practiced in a marriage ?

I am not married and am under the impression that marriage or a relationship
does bring some attachment. Is it fair ? Is dependency on the other person fair

How should I look at marriage ? Please share your thoughts on the same.


Ananya Vetaal


Dear Sadhak,
There is deep difference between love and attachment. Attachment gives birth to many vices like expectations, delusion, possessiveness, control, anger, frustrations and disappointment, so there should not be any attachment towards any one or anything.
Love is giving and forgiving. "What is there for me ?"instead of thinking this if we change our attitude to "What can I offer to others ?"What is my dharma ?" " How can I fulfill my duties ?" we become free from expectations and attachments.
Arjuna got deluded due to attachment. Attachment is weakness of heart "ksudram hrdaya-daurbalyam
tyaktvottistha parantapa" BG2:3 While love is a source of continuous strength because love always encourages us to take care of others , do good to others with deep compassion and gratitude.


Hari Om

As per Scriptures of Sanatan Dharma it is very clear that it is not mandatory for a human to marry. There is nothing big or important about getting married and raising family. Even, Dogs and cats do that. Even a bitch takes care of its cubs affectionately and mating capacity in animals is seen to be much higher than in humans. However, Scriptures do not forbid marrying. They allow it, with certain restrictions, rules and prohibitions. Hence there is no problem if one decides to get married. Why do Scriptures allow marriage when the very purpose of human birth is emancipation and when in other life forms physical mating, raising of children are provided for? One reason exclusively belongs to Creator Brahma...who wants humanity to multiply and who wants Jeevas to emancipate themselves in this unique opportunity for all Jeevas...Human Birth.

But the above reason is for Brahma. Jeeva is under no compulsion to necessarily indulge in mating, raise family and therefore marry. Actually, here the topic is "attachment" ...formation of a new attachment by way of marriage. Scriptures allow you to get married...SO THAT YOU MAY TASTE THE SAMPLE AND DEVELOP A FATIGUE / NON ATTACHMENT FOR THE SAME AND THEREBY DETACH YOURSELF FROM THIS SO CALLED AND PRESUMED WORLDLY PLEASURE. Gita wants that your Karma should have the purpose of moving towards AKARMA. Here you are allowed to marry so that you may find as to what is so big about the same, indulge in mating only for procreation and renounce ultimately the very desire for sexual intercourse etc. Huge responsibilities follow your decision to get married. You are not supposed to commit adultery and you can not indulge in mating EXCEPT for child birth. Now that is the provision.

Non attachment can definitely be practiced in marital life...there is no reason as to why it can't be practiced. In fact, Mother Nature will help you in developing that, if you have a desire for the same.

However, for females it is recommended by Saints and even Scriptures that they should get married. In Kaliyuga, this recommendation is particularly worth following, for females. One of the Dharma of a father is to marry his daughter suitably and it is his sacred duty.

Actually, for a female, particularly in Kaliyuga, if she gets married and remains chaste and Pativrata wife, that is in itself a complete accomplishment of the very purpose of human life. A female can afford not to do anything austerities, no Bhajan, no visits to temples or sacred places, no fastings, no donations....nothing is needed...however the husband turns out to be....she can easily BECOME OF HIM.....and thereby emancipate herself from million and trillions of ages' bondage...and get freedom for ever. The above is the simplest and the most unique and independent method of Emancipation/ Self Realisation/ God Realisation. Human life is full of similar opportunities. Hence for females marrying is very appropriate.

Jai Shree Krishna

Vyas N B


Marriage is the opportunity to serve God in your wife and God in your children
if you have them. It means to enjoy and be happy with them. Ideally, all family
members should give happiness to each other and magnify their goodness and
incomplete their shortcomings.

This is also test. You can't cheat those who are close to you (wife and kids).
They will know who you are. So, just be happy and give happiness to others.

The detachment which will make others life boring, dull and depressed is of much
use and surely, it will not give any spiritual benefit.

Murari Das


Humble Question to Shree Jayantilal Shahjee :
Who is this ''We'' in the statement,''We are also product of marriage.''?
Saadhaka understands we are ''ansh'' of God (Gita 15:7) and also this that physical body (not this ''ansh'') is formed in the womb of the mother.
Moreover, please DON'T compare marriage of avatars (Ram, Krishna, etc) with those of humans because nowhere in scriptures it is described that they (Ram, Krishna, etc) did any sexual activity to procure their children.


Dear Sadaks,
LOOK AT IT AS GRAHASTRA ASHRAMAM. Tukaram, sri Krishna, Sri Rama, Kabir doss, sant Sakubai, Namadev and host of saints got married. but knew how to live in married life.


Every relationship is functional, that is, some interdependent functions are there. To see any relationship as functional does not let the issue of attachment arise. As the relationship is 'live' every moment.
You can not settle with the world satisfactorily through possessions, relations. This clear understanding settles you with yourself. Now you can deal with possessions, relations as you want.
Y V Chawla


From personal experience : Concentrate on giving her (pleasure, satisfaction and
sukh) only, instead of drawing (these worldly things) from her, question of
attachment or no attachment will not arise.


There is no hard and fast rule for the school of marriage, it was
prescribed 1000 years back for so many years, one is to reach god
together, any holy rites to be performed woman, wife should be present
to offer oblations to god, but to day it has become selfish, no
selfless relation, so your doubt has some ambiguity ...attachment is
developed not in built


Interesting question Ananya...

Once you understand and experience Self and wisdom of life, possibility of
living a blissful life with anyone, anywhere.. It is about playing roles
keeping self awareness.. It is about living in joy and happiness....
Attachment and dependency on each other does not really bother..

Marriage is a normal but beautiful happening and brings two people together to
participate in the larger ongoing wonderful creation process, where
interdependency and attachment is nothing but expression of love, affection,
respect, care for the other... In the process, you create joy for others too...

Wish you a great time... God bless you..

Sushil Jain


Bhagwad _Geeta considers marriage as Yagna karma i.e. other human beings can
take birth because of marriage. We are also product of marriage. Chapter 3 Verse
10 and 11 read like this; Sahayaganaha Prajaha Shrushtwa, Purovacha Prajapatihi,
Anena Prasvishyadhwam, Esaha Vo Asti Ishta Kamdhuk.(10) Devan Bhavyataha Anena,
Te Devaha, Bhavyantu Vaha, Parasparam Bhavyantaha, Shreyam param Avapyasthaha.
(11). Meaning is Prajapati Brahma has created people as Yagna Karya i.e. as
God's work and ordained people to marry and multiply. While doing so, you will
be invoking divine within and without by respecting each other and thereby you
will reach the ultimate in this case attachment if any at the time of marriage
will be transformed into divine relationship. Such is the Spiritual Goal of
marriage as seen by Bhagwad Geeta.

India's idol both Rama and Krishna were married and especially in case of Rama
he became a living example of Divinity in the life of a king. By Rama that
Ramayana which has been dealt with by Goswami Tulsidasji.

In case performance of sexual act becomes inevitable because of any reason, then
sex with one's own wife or husband is described as Dharma. It creates stable
social order.Ch.7 Verse 11, states that Dharma Avirdhhaha Bhuteshu, kamaha asmi
Bhratarshbha i.e.. sexual act with one's own married partner is in accordance
with work of upholding Dharma.
Entire Bhagwad Geeta when read with depth and in conjunction with other
authorised scriptures, considers marriage as one of seven Sanskaras which are
divine. This does not mean that institution of Sanyasis, is in contradiction to
teachings of Bhagwad Geeta. It only shows Spiritual necessity of marriage and by
working according to its dictates in subsequent chapters, it converts attachment
if any before or after marriage into perfect divinity.

Jayantilal Shah


Dear Gita-member,

All you need to do is to empty your mind (throw away all your thoughts)
and then do mental prayers. You will get your answers. I got divine
blessing while I was married and nothing changed for me. Similarly,
nothing will change for you as well. It will help you to "wash" your
bad-karma! It will take long time.

Good Luck! Bye!
Notesh Otes


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