Hare Krshna
Dear Sadhaks,
I Am a divorced man and finding many hurdles in getting married inspite of everything being well.
Kindly advice what is the solution as per Our great religion
-Warm Regards
HS
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Hare Krshna
Dear NS
I do feel very sorry for what has happened
to you however your observations indicate
that Men are the culprit in such circumstances
but it does nor have to be that always as in some cases women also are at fault and have some other evil desires hence request you not to assume,advice and righteous without knowing the same fully
Regards
HS
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Hare Krsna.
Dear HS,
For what happened to my marriage, I put it down to Karma and do not really feel sorry for myself as it is paying off my Karmic debt. Am sorry that I could not help my Patidev realise that he is destroying himself in this lifetime and future but that is no longer in my hand as he walked away from me.
Yes, my observance is that men are the "culprit" many times and Vyas Ji has explained it beautifully so has Subash Ji and the other Sadhakas here. Read again what they wrote and see what I mean--regardless if the
women are at "fault" and have "evil desires" that is not your concern. Sanatana Dharma is about Duty and once you do your duty that is all that you should be concerned with not whether your wife has evil desires and fault. My Patidev was seriously abusive to me and he in turn used to throw back everything he did to me and say I am doing it. He was abusive to me and then told me that I was abusive to him and when asked what did I do---he'd go silent. My Patidev's problem was anger management and he refused to even admit he has problems controlling it. At 50+, it has gotten so bad, it is consuming him as now he does not have time and place. He does not care who is present when he gets angry and as a result no one wants to be around him. He lives alone and should he fall down and hurt himself like I did--he'd have to get up and drive himself to the hospital or call 911. You may ask me why don't I go back to him--he has made it clear in no uncertain terms that he does not want me in his home or life and so I have no choice.
Am sharing my personal story here hoping that others may read and take notice.In our culture, ladies are supposed to silently take abuse and not talk about it. I use my experience with the hope that at least one soul can be saved by reading about this. I pray that the man who may be having anger issues and sees this will go and get help. I pray that the man who is abusing his wife, will understand that he is committing sin---this is a fact as is explained by all the good souls here. I pray that you will examine what went wrong in your marriage and seek to rectify the situation. Divorce is just an escape from one partner, and guess what--the same thing will happen every time afterwards because you are not fixing the problem , just running away from it. My husband is not an isolated case and many like him instead of getting help are destroying theirs and their loved ones' lives.
All of us have to ask ourselves one question--when we leave this body and have to account for all that we did while in this body--what excuse will we make? Karma does not take sides nor can be bribed. The Blessed Lord sees and knows all that we do so we cannot fool Him either....
Hare Krsna.
NS Bisnath.
TAD VISNOH PARAMAM PADAM (Rg Veda 1.22.20)
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Hari Om
Dear HS- You wanted answer as per Religion ! Clear ? Any doubts ? No ! You also preferred NOT to give any clues as to why and how you are divorced today ! Right ? You still wanted answer ! Right? And now you are stating "know the full facts first" ! Tell me, is it justice? You wanted an answer with limited information..now you can't complain, if the answer doesn't suit you or touches some painful nerve.
SOME LAWS RELATING TO MARITAL LIFE:
You are in the world's the best Satsanga Forum. Let me state some laws to you. It is a law: You can not see fault in others unless that fault is prevalent in you. Between husband and wife, the responsibility of husband is, any day, much higher than wife. It is a law you get your spouse based on what you deserve. It is not that you only get wife, she also gets you. Hence in marital life or in any worldly relationship you are NOT supposed to look at all at the conduct of other...nay..not at all. You MUST look ONLY at your duty and not at other's duty. Your job is to provide happiness to her to the best of your ability.
If she is evil...you MUST tolerate her ! You must govern her and put her on righteous path. If you can't, suffer! That is it. You can't leave her. What will you do if your mind or intellect or body becomes your enemy or has evil desires ? How will you renounce the body ? Reply...I say ! Is she not your 'ardhangini' (part of body) as per religion ? Where can you run away ? Could even King Dashrath do that? You MUST tolerate. However sinful you may be, does God ever disown you? God, inspite of being all powerful, CANNOT ! Can you disown your son? (If police comes to your home and states that your son has committed so and so crime..and asks you if you are his father, what will you say? You can at the most say: Unfortunately I am his father. But can you say "No" ? No...you can not say that ! Reply...can you say that he is not my son?) !
My mom, 78, often says... BHAAGANE SE NAHIN, BHOGANE SE CHHUTKARA MILATA HAI (You get freedom not by running away but by consuming adversity , by tolerating sorrows ) !!
There is no evil existing anywhere except in we, ourselves. SAB JAG ISHWAR ROOP HAI, BHALO BURO NAHIN KOY ! JAAKI JAISI BHAVNA VAISO HI PHAL HOY !! It is a law that if you consider other to be evil ...1 You have already become evil and 2 Other will by force and operation of Law of Nature shall become evil for you !!! Because you are 'satya sankalpa' by your very basic form !!! Your that very thought shall make the other evil. If you think your wife had evil desires, be certain that your this very thought that she had 'evil desires' had contributed equally to her evilness. You thought that she was evil and hence she was evil. It is a law ....Man !!!
Gruhastha Ashhram (Householder's life) is not some fun or an opportunity to make 'majaa' ...Dear..it is an austerity of very high order !!! Are you aware as to what is the biggest fear a male carries in his old age ? "My wife should not die" !! Ask your elders- they will confirm this fact.. Why?
What does a male do? He gets cup of tea in the morning effortlessly, gets his cloths ready, gets his meals ready when he comes home, gets his bed made, and gets his children and elders taken care of ..! He only earns money (now a days even there he is expecting lady to earn..shamefully) ! What does he have to boast then ? She looks weak but she is very strong internally. Husband looks strong but internally, he is hollow !!! How ? I will tell you as to how a male is hollow from inside.
Because without her, you can't even manage your own ward robe...what to talk of taking care of household/children !! Your question to this Divine Forum confirms this. But if you die first, female has such power that she can maintain household, take care of children, make them grow and live without marrying again..! Look at your surroundings , this truth will be visible to you. Can you do that alone ? No...! That is why no male in middle age/old age wants his wife to die before him. Are you not today thinking of marrying again? Why? "A widower male lives like a thief in his own home" ..an old idiom !!!
O Men...Wife is DEVI..she is SHAKTI, she is ANNAPOORNA ...she is POWER..she is the queen of any home..she is GRUHALAXMI ! Never under estimate her. Where is "home" without a wife/mother residing there? You may call that place an ashram or hotel or inn or guest house or 'tabela' or stable or math or dharmashala or club ...but never 'home' , if in that place a wife or mother is not residing. And...therefore.. As a LAW: Half of your punyas (virtues, the result of punyas) go to your wife straight away and half of her sins ( the result of her sins) come to you straight away. (Not vice-versa) !
And... therefore ..as a law to divorce wife is a ghastly sin !!!
You wanted answers based on our Great religion...all sadhaks including NS have provided you that only, without fear or favor. You can not complain !
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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read the posts of shri vyas ji and others ,when one marriage is unsuccessful the person becomes more careful in handling the other relationship ,apart from religious matters if a person is not mentally and emotionally ready to accept the uther one even without divorce there is no understanding in both partners it is a forcible living together and in india most of the marriages are of this type ,reasons may be different social ,economic , children ,,family prestige and many more  but if even there is  slightest emotional attachment or sensitivty such a situation won't arise .may be this generation girls are more practical ,independent,ego conscious ,career minded so they find it difficult to adjust and on top of all its their parents support  such decision usually no body takes .this is my humble observation of life .jai shree krishna
Chaman Nigam
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Dear sadhakas,
It is my suggestion that
Marriages are not made in heaven - we are the creators,
known devil is better than unknown angel and
try to get what you like or you will be FORCED TO LIKE WHAT YOU GET.
In our married life knowingly or knowingly no doubt we handle
everything very perfectly and most of the results are successful but
in one or two cases the results are negative, it is purely our lack
of application of individual thoughts. In my opinion if we think we
are the (Husband & Wife) world , without any inhibition or ego if we
discuss by respecting them also a partner of our life/world no doubt
we can arrive the necessary appropriate solution for the betterment
of our life.
BE HAPPY & ALL THE BEST
AAR
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What does religion hAve to do in getting another mate. It starts with the individual. ReliGion is meant to elevate yourself Spritually.
Hare Krishna
P
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Hari Om
Quote:
Nothing will ever be well in the life of people who abuse their spouses. Rather than feel sorry for yourself, go to your wife and seek her forgiveness.Did she divorce you--seek her forgiveness for forcing her to make her take such a step.If you did the divorcing---God help your soul....
Unquote
Yes...you are right...absolutely right. It is a law that if you disrespect good food, or good person or good employer or good servant or good friend or good spouse..anything good YOU NEVER GET THAT AGAIN...NEVER..as a Law. This is because you disrespected good people. You made gross misuse of people and things. It is a Law of Nature. It never fails. Hence I agree: "Nothing will ever be well in the life of those people who abuse their spouses" ! It can not be otherwise !
Hence it is a ghastly sin as per Scriptures to divorce wife. Punishments are inevitable. It is said God can forgive you but not Mother Nature. You must reap what you sow.
What is the yardstick of virtue (Punya) or sinning (Paap) ?
Saints have said :
CHAAR VED SHATH SHASHTRA MAIN BAAT MILI HAI DOY !
SUKH DEEJE SUKH HOY HAI, DUKH DEEJE DUKH HOY !!
After deeply studying 4 Vedas and 6 principal Scriptures, 2 conclusions clearly emerge. If you give happiness to others, you will become happy. If you give sorrows to others, you will become sorrowful.
I am reminded here of a story I heard about Lord Buddha from some elder:
Buddha after becoming a Jnani returned to his native village. (He had left his young wife and newly born child in the past.) People in the village reminded him of his home. He agreed to visit his home again. His wife welcomed him and Buddha also met his son who was then adult . Suddenly learned wife of Buddha asked him a question. She said: Lord Buddha ! The thing (element) for which you left home in the night like a thief, leaving behind a helpless wife and toddler child , was that thing not there in the home ? Buddha said: Devi ! That thing was here only at the home and no where else but had I not loitered outside I would not have realised the same.
Buddha was stating that God resides in DUTY ! Another name of Dharma is DUTY !! Once you marry in witness of fire it is your sacred duty to run the family , take care of your better half , raise children and add to the cause of Paramatma by making the 'shrishti chakra' continue. You can not inflict pains and sorrows on your family members during that duty. You opt for a householder's life to give them happiness, to serve them so that you repay your prior debts and not expect anything in return from them ie not incur any new debts...and thus emancipate yourself !! It is a life time commitment for service. It is a DUTY. It is your ONLY DHARMA. If you fail here, you sin.
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Hare Krsna,
Dear HS,
Does being divorced make you "free" to marry again? Did you marry according to Vedic/Hindu marriage ceremony? Do you know that the word divorce is nowhere in Vedic scriptures and there is no Sanskrit/Hindi equivalent to it?
My husband was abusive to me from our wedding night and the abuse continued until I had to leave because of illness. Life in his house made me so sick and he sent me away telling my Mother to take care of me and when I was well I should return. My Mother refused to allow me to go back with the fear that I will die. My husband ignored me for years and only came when we had a death in our home. He came for the funeral and for the time he spent he did not offer one word of comfort to any of us. All he was concerned with was that I did not introduce him properly to the people who came. Being in grief I needed emotional
and even physical support and got zero. In grief, life was empty for me and I lost hope in everything.
The man that I was married to asked to come visit after 7 years and while I was reluctant at first I allowed him to do so. While here, we both agreed to give the marriage one last chance. He left came back again and all was well. Then he left and suddenly became the angry cruel person again.It scared me again,as it brought back memories that I hoped to never see again. Then he came to visit and on the second day of his stay, I fell down and broke my ankle. We went to the
hospital, and my foot was put into a cast. I was unable to walk, he brought me home,then calmly told me he is leaving in the morning.I begged him to stay and he refused to listen. He left the next day and 2 ladies were left alone to fend for themselves. My sister had to help me to the washroom and do everything for me. I had surgery a few days later and since 6 weeks have not been allowed to walk still.
My husband calls himself a spiritual man and has several hindu groups where he loves to preach on everything. He is highly educated and yet this very man walked away and left his helpless wife. Why am I writing all of this? You say that you are divorced? Why did that happen? Which lady would walk away from a good man, muchless a good Dharmic man? The men here have excelled in their explanations about marriage especially Vyas Ji. Did you read what he said?
Hindu marriages are made a mockery today especially by people like the man who was married to me. He claimed how he wanted a religious wife and when he got one, he abused me because I was too religious and lived a satvika life.
Nothing will ever be well in the life of people who abuse their spouses. Rather than feel sorry for yourself, go to your wife and seek her forgiveness.Did she divorce you--seek her forgiveness for forcing her to make her take such a step.
If you did the divorcing---God help your soul....
Hare Krsna,
NS
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Hari Om
Skipping of marriage by a human is highly beneficial to him spiritually particularly when considered with the fact that the only object of human life is liberation ! The pleasures and pains of procreation, family, association, mating etc are in abundance available in other life forms also and with much more freedom. In human life, marriage, children , family, home ..these are sources of huge bondage, attachments, duties and obstacles as compared with other options. Just one marriage, one association with one spouse, increases your association with the world in geometric proportions. You get attached/associated with Father in law, mother in law, bother in law...and so on. If your spouse has 100 relatives, you get equivalent number added to your list of relatives..just by one relationship with spouse. You also have a chance of very sticky relationship with Kamini (wife) ...it is very difficult to conquer this 'rasa-buddhi' in opposite sex particularly Kamini (female) ! But your chances of getting hugely bound to Kamini may be less , if you don't marry and do not taste the forbidden fruits at all. Then a lot more scope of sinning arises when you take responsibilities in a family ie when you choose Grahustha life (householders life) ! Bachelors/Brahmacharis/Sadhus do not have many responsibilities which a householder has...and they , thus, clearly have lesser bondage.
One of the greatest sages of Sanatan Dharma, and one of the greatest devotee of Paramatma, Maharishi Naarad, became very happy when he lost his mother at very young age. He became happy thinking responsibility got over and now I can devote more time to BhaktI of Bhagwaan !!! Sanatan Dharma scriptures are full of praise for those Sages who remained Brahmachaari (unmarried) and who practiced celibacy ! 'Brahmacharya' is highly recommended and desirable trait for every sadhak and yogi of Gita.
Hence , if circumstances become such that you must remain unmarried, it is special Grace of God upon you and you should , actually, become very happy upon receipt of such Grace. The life of a householder, undoubtedly, is very hard austerity as compared with other ashrams !!!
Hence be cheerful and blissful ! JAAHI VIDHI RAKHE RAAM TAHI VIDHI RAHIYE ! SITARAAM SITARAAM SITARAAM KAHIYE !!
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Hare Krishna.
my guruji say that divorce is just a paper or law given by government and the
most important part of marriage is the vows taken at shaadi.my guruji says even though my husband divorce me to marry someone else i am still married to my husband as per hindu marriage ceremony.guruji says there is no word of divorcee in hindu scriptures and divorce is created by muslims and christian and do not govern hindu marriages.guruji gets angry at the importance place on divorce and
when none is place on vows taken at shaadi. guruji says when man and woman take vows,they must take all measures to keep these vows and when these vows are kept that marriage will be good. divorce he says happen when there are no keeping of vows.
s.a
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donot agree with B.S.ur wife and other dependants are not only ur social but divine responsibility.u have vowed before the holy agni or some other form of divine authority ur committment and u must maintain it despite all odds of life.after all ur parents or sisters many times donot agree with u and are many times hostile.u donot desert them because they are ur own.then why wife,who is ur ordained life companion and a mother of your children very much like u are a son of your parent.Remember,that ur wife holds the status of a mother in the family the very same way,your mother,your grandmother held at their time.you adore them,why then this lady.
SUBHASH CHANDER TEWARI
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Hare Krshna
Thank You all for the inputs,it was certainly very enlightening,while I have come to understand that divorce is not an option and or a solution however this did occur,yes it "occured" for reasons beyond control and comprehension,but I will take things from here and I Am indeed very thankful again to all and very happy to be a part of this group where one can share and is guided through the all supreme scriptures and knowledge of Our Glorious religion
HS
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Dear HS,
Become like Adi Sankara. You are lucky. Dont marry and suffer again. Few men and woman while they were unmarried they devoted their life to Bagavan and reached most blissful state. Whereas you want to go back Asti.
B.S
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It shall be best if both of you can reconcile and look for companionship without any complaint about the past.IT will not be anything short of a second marriage.
subhashtewari
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Hari Om
What does 'marital relationship' signify spiritually? Gita says: Karmanu bandhini manushya loke' ( Humanity is bound by karmas ie by prior contractal obligations). Certain relations in human life are clearly based on carried forward obligations. Like we never selected our parents , we got them based on prior life karmas. Similarly, however intelligent or knowldgeable a person may claim, the fact is that you get spouse also based on prior life karmas ! There may be prior meetings, decision making process, deliberations, advices sought before marriage from both sides, even an intense liking for each other (called 'love' in modern language) ...but nothing is as serious as is the bondage created for each other in marriage. 'Marriage' is a huge bondage. That is why, the marriage is not compulsory in Sanatan Dharma, it is optional. Your emancipation (goal of human life) is not dependent upon your getting married.
Once you marry, once you call your wife as 'my' wife'or your husband as 'my' husband ..all the problems of spouse become your problems, instantly. as a law. But it is also a fact that as against wife, the responsibility of husband is much higher. Why? Because wife 'renounces' everything at the time of marriage. She renounces her home, her parents, her gotra, her surname, her friends, her dressing, her everything (which she had before marriage) , her body..what not ! She believes necessarily in husband and comes to husband's home leaving every thing behind. What does not she do? That 'tyaag' at the outset itself, makes her many times qualitatively superior to husband. Precisely therefore, Sanatan Dharma Scriptures clearly detest and forbid divorce or cruelty ! What more 'tyaag' a lady can do to begin with? It then becomes the turn of husband to reciprocate by adjusting his ego, comforts, views, conduct, habits, attitude, perception and make marriage a success. It is responsibility of male and male alone to ensure successful marital life. Divorce means failure to adjust together. Lack of renunciation of ego, stands, views, arrogance...! Whose duty it is, once lady has necessarily left (renounced) everything behind?
Male, in particular, can't complain , when it is his turn to 'renounce' ! Wife begins marital life by renunciation and surrender only. Therefore, however she is, whatever she is ...it is the responsibility of husband to adjust ... Even if she is 100% wrong. That is it ! Scriptures are unanimous that it is a very very big sin to divorce wife.
There was one Saint by the name Koobaji ! His wife fled with other person, but after some time came back . Koobaji arranged for her sustenance though again did not accept her as wife. But he ensured she lived comfortably.
Rightly therefore, Scriptures state: Debt on a child of his/her mother is 100 times more than the debt of father ! Why ?
In India , a husband is often referred as "Pati Parameshwar' ( Husband as good as Paramatma)_ ! Why ? Because
JUST AS: Rahati Na Prabhu Chit Chook Hiye Kee (Paramatma does not look at fault of Jeevas..).However you are, once you surrender, once you renounce yourself at His feet,.. the matter ends. It is now responsibility of Parameshwar to take care of you, to ensure you are blissful, happy ! If God can not ensure that, then how is He God?
SIMILARLY : It is responsibility of husband (so called Pati 'Parameshwar' ) to take care of wife , come what may, irrespective of however and whatever she is...! Marriage necessarily begins with renunciation and surrender by her. Matter ends. It is now for husband to ensure she is happy and blissful. If husband can not ensure that...he sins !!!
Aah...Jeevas are after all Jeevas only ! They are not Jagdish !!! To feel proud and arrogant that 'I am husband, Pati, Parameshwar' is one thing, and to live/adjust / renounce your comforts, ego, in favour of wife is another !!!
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Dear Sadhak,
Marriage, then divorce, then again trying to get married..........be very clear at present this is not the best choice for you.
You need to go through the process of self analyzation and self assesment. You need to know who you really are ? Not as a personality but as a reality. Who am I ? Contemplate on this question. Meditate on this at least 20 minitues twice a day for 48 days.
Read Sadhak sanjeevani, and other books of Swami Ramsukhdasji. Read Bhagwat gita. Contemplate on its meaning, as a true sadhak/seeker, first discover the TRUTH,
Dedicate at least couple of years for spiritual advancement.After reaching a certain level in tapascharya and sadhna, you will know what is right for you and then you will be able to create what is needed most in your life.
May all good and auspicious things manifest in your life.
Love and regards,
Sadhna
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Dear HS, Namaste!
The best way is to study our great Religion, as you say it is, yourself first to see what it says about Marriage and divorce.
Yet from a practical point of view I would say this.
Hurdles you find are obvious as any man/woman or parents will think hard before they commit to the marriage with one who is divorced!
This can be appreciated by asking what would you do if you have to marry a divorced one or are parents of such a person!
Now that you are already divorced, I am not suggesting to find faults with partner or dwell on your own faults!
You have to learn lessons from this failure, and make sure never to repeat them again!
That means to be ego-less in relationship, give in and not always have your ways.
In Marriage both partners are equally important in decision making. Parents on both sides are also of equal importance.
Understand another person from her/his point of views!
Make your life God-centered above all!
Remain prayerful!
Wait patiently, don't be in a hurry to marry or try to buy the marriage!
Trust God and leave it to Him totally! Then accept whatever comes as a result!
Namaskar..................Pratap Bhatt
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Marriage … spiritual intent … social needs … socio-economical realities …
I would emphasize moderator's comments upfront. Looking for approval for divorce from scriptures is futile as it is opposed to the very spiritual intent of marriage! I would add further … looking toward divorce as an escape route in the name of alternative social norms is neither healthy ... your sadness in loneliness is its living proof!!
Copulative pleasures and reproductive urges are the basic animal instincts the humans continue with. Marriage is an institution deployed by most religions for moderating such craves for society's benefit at large and for enabling individuals to practice spirituality while coping with the animal instincts from within as well as around.
The true value of marriage is in the socio-economical harmony and unity it promotes between two individuals and the families/friends/societies behind them. It is a graceful opportunity to develop oneself toward matured appreciation of life in general - (1) empathy toward a different individual and his/her standpoint, (2) tolerance toward opposed and alien views and values that the spouse hails from, (3) respect toward other individuals as they are, (4) Cooperation toward a holistic prosperity - prosperity in wealth, health and spirit ... !
The deeper value in the same institution is (1) to learn the intricacies of human behaviors, relations and emotions to appreciate one's own Vaasanaa's at deeper levels on one hand; and (2) appreciate oneself in others - parents, wife, children, etc. on the other hand. It is an excellent spiritual tool available to us to work within the framework of survival we are born into. It allows us to appreciate our basic instincts at closer quarters on one hand and teaches us to appreciate the presence of oneself beyond one's body and mind cluster. It allows one to reduce the baggage of ego-centric emotions, ignorance and inertia (Manonaasha) and enables one to break the individual barriers built within so as to appreciate the universal presence of The Self beyond (Aatmabodha).
DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE A CHOICE! However, keeping the socio-economical changes around in mind, it could be the last, THE VERY LAST, choice in a marriage ... To be sought ONLY when the same opportunity turns hostile pushing the individuals involved into intolerable miseries … ONLY when all the avenues to break open a gate toward its true intent - social harmony and spiritual awareness ... OR ONLY IF if anyone is subjugated to inhumane socio-economical oppression and physical exploitation in the name of marital bond. Please note that most divorces happen today ONLY DUE TO EGO-CLASH ... all such unfortunate events can be averted with relative ease by spiritual empowerment from within and soical appreciation around ... doom alone befits those who move toward divorce on the grounds of ego!
Hope you will get another opportunity to realize what a true marriage means. Hope you get a partner who appreciates its values. Personal appreciation within is most often the hurdle. One who is clear within alone can bring clarity around. Therefore, more than anything else, wish that you develop the right perspectives of marriage and develop an innate respect toward the same.
Respects.
Naga Narayana.
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Marry your divorced wife as if she is a virgin and start new life with her. Marrying another female for Happy Family Life is (for you) just like searching a black cat in a pitch dark room.
Humbly,
Saadhaka.
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Hari Om
An advice has been sought from this Divine Forum regarding re-marriage by a divorced Jeeva. We don't know what is the age of Jeeva, why did divorce took place etc. Hence answer has to be accordingly appropriate.
'To marry' is not the ideal most. It is not at all the goal of 'human beings' ! The goal of humanity is emancipation.
However, in order to sustain the creation and let humans 'taste' as a 'sample' the futile worldly 'bhogas' and to get rid of them thereby, the concept of marriage has been approved by Sanatan Dharma. (Your desires have not ceased. Marry, and see what futile pleasures 'bhogas' and 'attachment/association' give you, presume that all in the world have such bhogas /associations and such futile pleasures only , watch the consequences of them and develop dispassion/ detachment for it, and renounce the very desire for attachment/ bhogas ) ! But getting married, has its own huge duties and responsibilities. You can't get 'married' to enjoy 'mating' and 'similarity of opinion/object' ! You get married because your desire to taste worldly bhogas is not yet satiated, you still want 'attachment' with world/people and JUST AS: an affectionate father buys a toy for toddler to please him, the religion permits you to get married. There is no direct co-relation of marriage with a Jeeva's emancipation but a life of Grihastha has as much scope of emancipation as has a life of say student, brahmachari or sadhu.
You have been divorced. You have had one failure already. You have already tasted the 'bhogas' and has tried 'worldly attachment' and are now at the receiving end of its consequences. 'Successful marriage' is not some compulsory test which you must pass by trying it again and again. You entered the arena of 'marriage' without having any acumen for the same, and failed. The best way forward, now, for you is to stop this desire of marrying again. You could not adjust your self in first marriage. Marriage is not some 'fun' , it entails an austerity of very high order. Even if, your spouse was 100% wrong, it was your duty to continue with marriage, sustain her, sacrifice your own ego, pleasures, comforts for her ego, comforts and pleasures. It was your duty. Now my sincere recommendation to you is to turn towards God, take a vow not to marry again, devote your balance life as a celibate, do social service, and fulfill the goal of human birth. Remember the goal of human birth is emancipation and not 'mating' and developing more attachments.
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Per my understanding, it is in hindu religion that a man can marry after the death of his wife or a divorce but if a woman does so she has to face the ire of the society ,but itis not so much today as it used to be for the previous generations ,life of a widow was just very troubled one. any way every body knows where the shoe pinches ,so no advise only god can help .jai shree krishna
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The wonderful article on marriage we should send it to all youngsters who are in need of such advices. i as a senior citizen mothr and wife for over five decades and an advocate too am very much overwhelmed with that jayashree sarathy
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Shree Hari Ram Ram
This may appear harsh but Swamiji has shared that "No where do the scriptures say for a man to divorce his wife...."
Please carefully read "How to Lead a Householder Life" It will provide lot of insights into relationships.
http://www.swamiramsukhdasji.org/swamijibooks/englishbooks/english%20book%20layout/How%20vto%20lead%20a%20house%20hold%20life/main.html
All situations are for one's upliftment and growth. May be God has some other plans for you. Sincerely and honestly Pray to God. He can be your best guide and adviser!
Ram Ram
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Related Link:
http://www.swamiramsukhdasji.net (english)
http://www.swamiramsukhdasji.org (hindi)
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