Hare Krshna
Dear Sadhaks,
I Am a divorced man and finding many hurdles in getting married inspite of everything being well.
Kindly advice what is the solution as per Our great religion
-Warm Regards
HS
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Marriage … spiritual intent … social needs … socio-economical realities …
I would emphasize moderator's comments upfront. Looking for approval for divorce from scriptures is futile as it is opposed to the very spiritual intent of marriage! I would add further … looking toward divorce as an escape route in the name of alternative social norms is neither healthy ... your sadness in loneliness is its living proof!!
Copulative pleasures and reproductive urges are the basic animal instincts the humans continue with. Marriage is an institution deployed by most religions for moderating such craves for society's benefit at large and for enabling individuals to practice spirituality while coping with the animal instincts from within as well as around.
The true value of marriage is in the socio-economical harmony and unity it promotes between two individuals and the families/friends/societies behind them. It is a graceful opportunity to develop oneself toward matured appreciation of life in general - (1) empathy toward a different individual and his/her standpoint, (2) tolerance toward opposed and alien views and values that the spouse hails from, (3) respect toward other individuals as they are, (4) Cooperation toward a holistic prosperity - prosperity in wealth, health and spirit ... !
The deeper value in the same institution is (1) to learn the intricacies of human behaviors, relations and emotions to appreciate one's own Vaasanaa's at deeper levels on one hand; and (2) appreciate oneself in others - parents, wife, children, etc. on the other hand. It is an excellent spiritual tool available to us to work within the framework of survival we are born into. It allows us to appreciate our basic instincts at closer quarters on one hand and teaches us to appreciate the presence of oneself beyond one's body and mind cluster. It allows one to reduce the baggage of ego-centric emotions, ignorance and inertia (Manonaasha) and enables one to break the individual barriers built within so as to appreciate the universal presence of The Self beyond (Aatmabodha).
DIVORCE SHOULD NOT BE A CHOICE! However, keeping the socio-economical changes around in mind, it could be the last, THE VERY LAST, choice in a marriage ... To be sought ONLY when the same opportunity turns hostile pushing the individuals involved into intolerable miseries … ONLY when all the avenues to break open a gate toward its true intent - social harmony and spiritual awareness ... OR ONLY IF if anyone is subjugated to inhumane socio-economical oppression and physical exploitation in the name of marital bond. Please note that most divorces happen today ONLY DUE TO EGO-CLASH ... all such unfortunate events can be averted with relative ease by spiritual empowerment from within and soical appreciation around ... doom alone befits those who move toward divorce on the grounds of ego!
Hope you will get another opportunity to realize what a true marriage means. Hope you get a partner who appreciates its values. Personal appreciation within is most often the hurdle. One who is clear within alone can bring clarity around. Therefore, more than anything else, wish that you develop the right perspectives of marriage and develop an innate respect toward the same.
Respects.
Naga Narayana.
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Marry your divorced wife as if she is a virgin and start new life with her. Marrying another female for Happy Family Life is (for you) just like searching a black cat in a pitch dark room.
Humbly,
Saadhaka.
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Hari Om
An advice has been sought from this Divine Forum regarding re-marriage by a divorced Jeeva. We don't know what is the age of Jeeva, why did divorce took place etc. Hence answer has to be accordingly appropriate.
'To marry' is not the ideal most. It is not at all the goal of 'human beings' ! The goal of humanity is emancipation.
However, in order to sustain the creation and let humans 'taste' as a 'sample' the futile worldly 'bhogas' and to get rid of them thereby, the concept of marriage has been approved by Sanatan Dharma. (Your desires have not ceased. Marry, and see what futile pleasures 'bhogas' and 'attachment/association' give you, presume that all in the world have such bhogas /associations and such futile pleasures only , watch the consequences of them and develop dispassion/ detachment for it, and renounce the very desire for attachment/ bhogas ) ! But getting married, has its own huge duties and responsibilities. You can't get 'married' to enjoy 'mating' and 'similarity of opinion/object' ! You get married because your desire to taste worldly bhogas is not yet satiated, you still want 'attachment' with world/people and JUST AS: an affectionate father buys a toy for toddler to please him, the religion permits you to get married. There is no direct co-relation of marriage with a Jeeva's emancipation but a life of Grihastha has as much scope of emancipation as has a life of say student, brahmachari or sadhu.
You have been divorced. You have had one failure already. You have already tasted the 'bhogas' and has tried 'worldly attachment' and are now at the receiving end of its consequences. 'Successful marriage' is not some compulsory test which you must pass by trying it again and again. You entered the arena of 'marriage' without having any acumen for the same, and failed. The best way forward, now, for you is to stop this desire of marrying again. You could not adjust your self in first marriage. Marriage is not some 'fun' , it entails an austerity of very high order. Even if, your spouse was 100% wrong, it was your duty to continue with marriage, sustain her, sacrifice your own ego, pleasures, comforts for her ego, comforts and pleasures. It was your duty. Now my sincere recommendation to you is to turn towards God, take a vow not to marry again, devote your balance life as a celibate, do social service, and fulfill the goal of human birth. Remember the goal of human birth is emancipation and not 'mating' and developing more attachments.
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Per my understanding, it is in hindu religion that a man can marry after the death of his wife or a divorce but if a woman does so she has to face the ire of the society ,but itis not so much today as it used to be for the previous generations ,life of a widow was just very troubled one. any way every body knows where the shoe pinches ,so no advise only god can help .jai shree krishna
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Shree Hari Ram Ram
This may appear harsh but Swamiji has shared that "No where do the scriptures say for a man to divorce his wife...."
Please carefully read "How to Lead a Householder Life" It will provide lot of insights into relationships.
http://www.swamiramsukhdasji.org/swamijibooks/englishbooks/english%20book%20layout/How%20vto%20lead%20a%20house%20hold%20life/main.html
All situations are for one's upliftment and growth. May be God has some other plans for you. Sincerely and honestly Pray to God. He can be your best guide and adviser!
Ram Ram
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