Hare Krshna
Dear Sadhaks,
I Am a single lonely man and depressed. I want to devote my rest of the life for Lord Sri Krishna in Iskcon. I want to be a part of Iskcon and want to stay there. But as my age is 40+, so I am not eligible to stay there for rest of my life.
Kindly advice what is the solution as per Our great religion
-Warm Regards
AR
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Dear AR, Namaste!
With lot of respect, I may point to you the following.
These are not theoretical answers, each have points to help you. Leave all such worries at once, please!
Our great relogion says Trust the Life(GOD) that will take care of you in the best possible ways for you. We want our own ways from Liffe, not possible because we have to live with others and they also have requiremnents from us! Complete surrender works miracles, trust me on this. We think we take care of our lives, but do we?
When our partners help us it is only God helps us through the partner!!!
What is the guarantee that if you marry and the partner may not be able to take care of you?
You are thinking about who will take care of you, what about if God wants something else, like you have to take care of someone, etc etc.
Bhagwat Gita tells us to follow your Dharma and your Karmas will be taken care by God. Of sourse you need to be sincere to find out what this God is and then Trust!
We all can understand marriage is the way God intends for most of us to carry forward His Divine plan!
So do pursue it but to love and live in harmony within the laws following Dharma, not necessarily for someone to take care of you!
Hope this helps!
Namaskar................Pratap Bhatt
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ab aapane apanee baat kahee hai -
I think these are all theoretical views. If I get ill or some physical problems happen, then who will look after me?
only you will look after you by engaging someone (for money or for mere unconditional LOVE). Remember nobody gets anything from others for which that body hasn't given. In Nature the law is "Get what is given."
This remembers me a line from a song,"tum besahaara ho to kiseekaa sahaaraa bano ..."
Hint is sufficient for the wise.
Humbly,
Saadhaka.
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Hare Krsna,
Dear AR,
You said you want to devote your life to Lord Krsna and when everyone gave you advise on that, you dismissed all of their wonderful advise to finally admit the truth--you are alone and are afraid that if you get sick who will take care of you! And to make it worse--you want answers from "our great religion?".
1. Why is a 40+ man living alone?
2. Is the depression as a result of that or did the depression the cause of you being alone?
I am 40+, fell down and injured my leg and has not been allowed to walk for 6 weeks and still have more weeks to go. Cannot do anything for myself. My Patidev walked out on his helpless wife. I am not alone though, I have my sister who does everything and Mother and Brother.This is what family are about--you take care and help each other. Am I the only person who this happened to? No--this
very good Hindu lady broke both her legs and was in a wheelchair for 3 months. Her husband instead of taking care of her, went to be with another lady. The injured lady's brother came and took care of her.
Throughout my injury, I have not been alone. There are people--strangers ready to carry me when I need help, calling/visiting me all the time--there is no time to be depressed either. When you have The Lord in your heart and soul, there is no room for loneliness.
Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, go and find all those people that you drove away from your life. Whose fault did they leave--no one will leave the side of a good human being.Then start to cultivate love for The Lord and all His Creation. You can go and live in all the Mandirs of The Lord but if you do not realise that He is right there in your heart--your journey will be useless.Allow the Lord to be your Master and see how fast you will be surrounded by Love and loving ones...the devotees of The Blessed Lord never turn their backs on anyone who truly loves Him...
Haribol.
NS
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Dear AR
You want to join Iskon because you love Krishna or because you want to be cared for in case of infirmity. they are completely different motives, and should be treated differently. so first be clear why you want to join iskcon or anything else. Lonliness is a state of mind and you can be lonely in a crowd too. You have to treat the cause and not the symptom.
sm
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Hari Om
Religion only can answer your questions as to 'looking after' of you. Practical answer is either do karma at that point of time (when you get ill or develop any physical problem) to the best of your ability and if no solution comes forward then or even otherwise surrender yourself to the invisible hands of Paramatma..lock stock and barrel. You should have firm belief that one (Paramatma) who has given birth to you , one who arranged your sustenance till date, one who arranged for milk in your mom's person even before you were born, one who took care of you when you were not strong enough to even remove a fly from your face, one who took care of you till date..will take care of you upto the full tenure of your pre-determined human life. You have to have that firm belief in Him and surrender to Paramatma.
What you thereafter (after surrender) must ensure is NOT TO WORRY at all. You have to be Nischint (Worryless); Nirbhay (Fearless); Nisshank (Doubtless) and Nisshok (Griefless). These are 4 important yardsticks of surrender to Him. If you worry then where have you surrendered? If you have surrendered then where is scope for worry? If you can maintain these 4 things in you and then surrender ...let me tell you, your life INSTANTLY will become divine and saintly. Try it ..! Keep doing 'Naam Jap' ..you are lonely..great opportunity..Keep doing Naam Jap.
GIRAH GAANTH BANDHE NAHIN, JAB DEVE TAB KHAAY ! NARAIN PEECHHE PHIRE MAT BHOOKO RAH JAAY !!
One who does not hoard anything and eats whenever received... Behind such person Paramatma runs, worrying that he should not go hungry.
If you just do Naam Japa and do nothing else, very shortly, you will have enough provisions to sustain you. Rather you will have more to feed others too. But you must have trust and faith in Him.
DAADOO DUNIYA BAAWARI PHIKKAR KARE GELLI ! ROTI DESI RAAMJI DOPAARA PELLI !! Said Saint Dadoo: Berserk has gone this world worrying about bread and butter.. Little aware that they will get meals before noon.
MUYE KO HARI DET HAI, LAKDI KAPADA AAG ! JEEVATA NAR CHINTA KARE WAKO BARO ABHAAG !! To a dead person also, God gives wood, cloth and fire ! Now if living person worries about maintenance, he can only be termed as abhaaga (stupid, unfortunately unaware/ignorant) !
Sir..you are AMRITASYA PUTRA- Son of the King of all Kings, Emperor of all Emperors..Parampita Parameshwar !! Dear Dear Son ! He sent you on this earth without your permission , He will lift you from here without your permission, He cared for you till date.. Now also it is His job to take care of you in future..WHY DO YOU WORRY unnecessarily ? MA SUCHAH...MA SUCHAH !!
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Spirituality is about understanding the overall bigger picture,.......the process of life....
It is us who have to take care of body to whatever extent possible....
but with this experiential realization that "I am not this body" and "Nothing happens to me when the body is sick or when other events happen in life".....
Thinking and living this way helps us to start operating from higher consciousness levels where there is more joy, happiness and bliss......focus is on being who we are..... one has to practice all this to discover the power of happy thoughts....power of deeper understanding of self....
Sushil Jain
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Dear AR,
Namaskar!
You seem not to be serious with your main problem! Otherwise, all have tried their level best to convince you that problem of loneliness, depression, devotion to Kishna....and the like are the creation of your own weak mind. Number of suggestions have been given to you, for adoption of a child for example. Which now, at your age of 40+ is the best! By the time you would be 60-70, the fortunate child would turn into full youth of sustaining you as well as himself!!
I fail to understand as to why you call such noble suggestions as theoretical only. Your recent specific problem of who would look after you if you have a physical problem sometime, is a very childish question. In such case you can hire a servant, can join some old age home, maintain good relations with neighbors, friends and relatives etc., who could help you when in need at the time of having physical trouble! But then the real suffering to your body nobody can pick up upon himself. You have bear ALL by yourself!
Finally, I suggest you to be positive & firm and ask questions for real learning or teaching & benefiting others!
Jai Shri-krishna
(Kuldeep Kumar Kaul)
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Hare Krishna
Dear Sadhaks
I think these are all theoretical views. If I get ill or some physical problems happen, then who will look after me? That's the biggest question for my life? If our great religion can answer to this question, then I will be much more relieved
Thanks
AR
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Hari Om
Being alone is the fate of each human. A human comes alone and goes alone. It is a law that whatever is at beginning and end is also in the middle. Hence spiritually each human is alone while living ! All around you are OTHERS, as a law, necessarily. This fact is confirmed by presence of FEAR in each of the human being (except devotees of God). It is a fact that each one of us has some FEAR always in us. It is a law that FEAR generates from strangers and never from 'our own'. We fear because we are surrounded by strangers consistently. This world is not our home, we are in a stranger alien place, we are not at our home. Hence fear !
Then? Turn towards God directly. There are no licensing agents or pimps of God on this planet through whom you must pass through. Absolutely not a single. There is no provision made in the Scriptures for any agents. No licenses are issued from God's secretariate to act as mediums between Him and His own children viz human beings. Do not believe any one.. I repeat any one. Believe in yourSELF and in the God who is sitting inside you. Do not search Him outside. There is no need by you of any other to turn towards Krishna, What kind of outside help is needed for a child to rush towards his mother? Read quality books, recite bhajans, read Gita, hear pravachans of Param Shraddheya Swamiji Shri Ramsukhdasji Maharaj, read books published by Gita Press, Gorakhpur etc. Look at the world, life, SELF dispassionately. Help others if you can, selflessly. Renounce the desire of getting a company. Be satisfied by yourSELF !
Actually you are lucky that you are alone. One of the yardsticks of a jnani bhakta as per Gita is : ARATIH JAN SANSIDI (13:8) (Remaining aloof from others) ! Do not form new attachments and do not look at the world with an object to get something out of it. No outer organisation can get you peace. Peace is lying within you and comes instantly upon your renouncing the worldly attachments/desires. Do not worry about your maintenance. Work if you can. Else have firm belief that you will not get starved. DO NOT WORRY. NEVER WORRY ! One who has given birth to you will take care of you. Do not like/dislike anyone/anything. View the world with equanimity and become BLISSFUL.
JAAHI VIDHI RAKHE RAAM TAAHI VIDHI RAHIYE ! SITARAAM SITARAAM SITARAAM KAHIYE !!
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Dear Sadhak
There is nothing like feeling lonely or depressed, but it is just running out of turn. Keep your mind stable, with positive thoughts and try to do the things in a right way you think is the best in life and God Promise you'l never feel Lonely or Depressed.
Enjoy your life by being positive & helping others self-lessly and Joy will follow your foot-steps.
Thanks & Regards
Arvind Goel
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The infant lord Krishna was in great distress.Baba Nandji and Mayya Yashoda brough Him up better than anyone else could have done.The best way to devoute the rest of your life,I am sure,will be to heed my advice already herein.
subhashtewari
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-Shree Hari-
Namaste!
Maybe you see the joyous behaviour of the devotees in ISKCON, as a form
of salvation from your sombre/melancholy state of being. Here at
Gita-talk no one is concerned re your age, all Sadhaks are welcome, in
fact all are treated with courtesy, what has age got to do with it.
I first read your article this morning (my time) and my mind kept going
back to your sad post, I then remembered a wonderful song, it is an
allegory on the ever present Divine, ' A Hundred Thousand Angels by your
side', a good version has the comment 'for angels and stargazers, have a
listen it tells a truth.
On the way back home on the bus there sat opposite me in a wheel chair a fellow of about 14 years old, he was very incapacitated spastic
movements eyes rolling in all directions never resting, I saw him peak
shyly at me, I looked him in the eyes with a gentle smile on my face,
'Soul met soul', for a few seconds he was still, imagine such a world
where we would all look and listen, where soul meets soul.
Your Soul wants to meet soul, maybe in a tranquil way, your joy may well follow, you see your restlessness has guided you to this forum, your loneliness is an illusion you are NEVER alone!
Om ... Shant ...
Mike.
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Just adding a little more to the valuable response from Sadhaks..
Who feels lonely? Who feels bored? Contemplation on this can lead to the answer. There is no one inside our body who is feeling lonely or bored..... In fact, mind does not know what to do when lonely....it does not have any thoughts..... So, it is a good for the mind to reach a no thought state which is otherwise reached through meditation, jap and tap... Just a little understanding of wisdom can reverse the situation from depression to gratitude, happiness, enlightenment....
It is our mind who makes up this stories. It looses its power when lonely or bored and gets depressed in the process..... Understanding the wisdom is the key out of this situation. Loneliness, boredom, depression, etc. are just thoughts....thoughts could be changed/cancelled by giving new wisdom thoughts to the mind....
Sushil Jain
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This is Tamohara dasa vanaprastha, acbssp, MSc. Greetings! There is no age restriction nor requirement for taking up life as a bhakta sadhaka. You have somehow been mislead by bogus persons. There is ample service for you, but you must contact other bonafide devotees.
Loneliness is part and parcel of material existence. When you realize it is ultimately a loneliness for your spiritual relationship with Godhead, then a new beginning of happiness commences. But of course we also need good association of other devotees, so attend the Temple, hear classes, and get in where you fit in. Eventually, if you sincerely seek full-time renounced life as a sadhaka, you will be shown good opportunities by Sri Krsna. But there will bo so many
obstacles, as devotional life amongst the world entails a liftetime of voluntary sacrifices, taking up hardships for Krsna's sake, it is not all lotus flowers and maha-prasadam.
Respects and well-wishes, please chant Hare Krsna regularly and pray to Sri Krsna Caitanya Mahaprabhu, Prabhu Nityananda, They will assist you in so many ways.
Dasa
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must start writing daily diary
phone a relative daily
learn and share a joke daily
plan and write your next day schedule
go to a satsang on mondays thursdays and sundays
visit nearby temple daily
read bhagwat daily
write to someone different daily and choose person one day before
learn a bhazan every third day
visit your.spiritual teacher once a week
Oncoss
---------------------------------------------
Hare Krsna,
You can visit and stay in any of our centers in India:
Search for purebhakti and contact the centers.
Sincerely,
Vasanti dasi
--
"It is true that we are not seeing Krsna, but He sees us, and He may hear what we say to Him. We do not hear what He is telling us, and we do not hear His calling us by playing His flute, but our call is heard by Krsna who is very kind and causelessly merciful. He has sent all our guru-parampara acaryas, He has also sent Jesus, and sometimes He Himself descends with all His associates – only because He loves us."
Srila Gurudeva
Vasanti dasi
---------------------------------------------
Thanks! Very relevant and timely.
Hiranmay Karlekar
---------------------------------------------
Dear AR,
I hear you saying that life seems empty, and that you don't see any hope, or happiness ahead. You would like to look forward to the future, to things that would make you happy.
What some of the other sadhaks say is true. Loneliness is a state of mind. Some people are lonely in crowds too.
I would like you to look at what are the thoughts in your mind that make you feel lonely. What are you saying to yourself? Are you saying 'I am hopeless because I'm single?' Or 'nobody loves me?'
Out thoughts create our feelings. So yes, meditate, become aware of your thoughts, and change them.
Then, give thanks for the things you Do have. A healthy body, your mind, your talents... and more.
Then think about what made you happy and fulfilled before, and when you were a child. Make an attempt to do those things.
Join a group that does those things (on the net, outside.) Like one sadhak says, there are several people out there as lonely as you, who are looking to meet other people who do similar things. They need you as much as you need them. So go find them.
I see you want to bring peace to your soul. Yes, joining ISKCON or going to the Himalayas may help. but have you thought that maybe bringing joy to people in an old age home, may bring you satisfaction?
You are a valuable human being, remember that. And the gifts you are blessed with will bring peace to you and people.
I don't know how depressed you feel, but it would help if you met a counsellor once. That could be the starting point to joy.
Wish you all the best,
J
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Dear single depressed person,
Namaskar!
You say that you want to devote your rest of the life for Lord Sri Krishna in Iskcon. I am not aware what Iskon is, but still I can suggest you how to reduce your depression somewhat! Just read carefully following write up and then act as you like after deep analysis:
You want to devote rest of life for Lord Krishna. Are you exactly aware what you really want to do? What Lord Krishna means to you? What you mean by devotion? Or, finally I ask you what you want to do specifically for Lord Krishna when one comes before you? I am sure, for none of these questions, you have pin-pointed and correct answer!!
Coming to your loneliness, it is your own mind's set up, thinking you are lonely. Easiest way to get rid of this wrong thinking that you are lonely, IS TO BECOME COMPANION OF SOMEBODY AND HELP HIM UNCONDITIONALLY ! May it be a beggar on the road side. SEE AND FIND YOUR IMAGINED LORD KRISHNA IN HIM TOTALLY. Your all the problems of loneliness, depression, devotion to Lord Krishna, problem of not able to go to Iskon.....etc., etc., would vanish in thin air! While writing this I recall the song of Ashirwad movie in which Ashok Kumar acts:
TUM BE-SAHARA HO TO, KISEEKA KA SAHARA BANOO....
EK AKELA MAT SAMJOO, PER BUS TUM CHAL NIKLOO, RASTE MEIN KOYEE SATHEE TUMHARA MIL-JAYEGA!
KISHTE KOYEE DOOBTI PUHCHAVO KINARE SE, TUM KO APNE-AAP HE KINARA MIL-JAYEGA
DOOND RAHE TUM JISKOO USKO BAHIR MAT DOONDOO, MAN KE ENDER DONDOO, PRTAM PYARA MIL-JAYEGA
TUM BE-SAHARA HO TO, KISEEKA KA SAHARA BANOO....
Hope this simple and easy exercise of becoming helpful to others would solve your all the problems including false loneliness and thereby also false depression!!!
Any of your further query would be answered promptly!
May god less you and ALL!
Ohm Shanti,
I am,
Kuldeep Kumar Kaul
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Adopt a child and bring him up like the best you would have liked it yourself.
subhashtewari
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Whether you go to Iskcon or tothe Himalayas, you mind will remain always with you, and that mind itself is disease, the complaint. Make your mind filled with KRISHNA, there will be no need to go anywhere.
This realization has come from swamiji Himself.
HINDI
Chaahe ISCON jaaiye, chaahe HIMAALAYA jaaiye aapakaa man sadaa saath rahegaa aur man hee vyaadhi hai. Man ko Krishnamaya kar leejiye, kaheen jaane kee jaroorat naheen rahegee.
Swameejee se yahee anubhava liyaa hai.
astu.
Savinaya,
saadhaka.
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Dear AR,
You are NOT lonely. Reconfirm this.
B.S
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i would also like to know how to be a part of ISKON but i can not leave my home ,as my husband is almost bed ridden but i do want to do something for my next life .jai shree krishna
CN
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Loneliness … mid-life crisis … Freedom in Living ...
Feeling lonely is a natural, it is called mid-life crisis :). When you were a child, all attention was on you. Your parents made you the center of universe in their doting affection. When you were adolescent, all your attention was on your life partner. The whole universe did not matter as you were lost in the love for each other. When you were young, you felt empowered as if the world was under your rule. The children looked at you in awe and were so eager to emulate what you were. You were oozing with energy and enthusiasm. Your spouse wooed your command. So far your body was serving your ambitions being filled with energy and strength. It was acting as if you are its SOLE LORD!
You turn 40 … a miracle happens to bewilder you and rattle your very faith in living! The same spouse who wooed you might be scorning at you weighed down by his/her own baggage of life. You do not sound his/her queen/king anymore! The same children exposed to the rest of the world have identified themselves around other epicenters of the world. You are no more the ideal for them!! Your own body that acted as if it was under your total command starts giving hints of its own degeneration, particularly against your wish. The young, vibrant and adorable body is turning old, passive and pathetic. The same body seem to care its own path of decay rather than serving your ever-growing wishes anymore!!! In spite of all your effort to deny the reality, the reality of living marches ahead stampeding on all your aspirations. LONELINESS IS BUT NATURAL THEN :):):):):).
Yaavadvittopaarjanasaktah taavannijaparivaaroraktah |
Pashchaajjeevati jarjhara dehe vaartaa ko'pi na pricchhati gehe ||
... I can recite the whole Bhaja Govindam here.
My dear friend you are NOT ALONE in your loneliness! Being single seem to add to the loneliness when you feel lonely while being single. You would feel the same wrath (or probably more!) being with other people as well. Really speaking, nobody is left alone in this world. You are no exception. You are surrounded by people as well. Then why do you feel lonely?! The reason - THE LONE REASON - for loneliness is the lack of a mirror for your aspirations. The people around seem to be indifferent to your agenda in life ... they lapse to reflect your interests in them. One feels lonely when one does not see his/her own image in others ... when one fails to see respect for one's own wishes around ... when one continues to insist on one's own wishes over others in spite of being rejected again and again ...
This has happened because marriage never occurred to us. We never married in life. We chose to remain single. We never let ourselves be one with the life we are graced with. We kept the whole life under ransom as if it were in our command! We never developed appreciation toward everything that was offered in this marriage - the life that happily partook our existence. We never appreciated the body we are blessed as it is. We never appreciated our parents as they are. We never appreciated our spouses as they are. We never tried to understand our children as they are. Without anyone's permission we built a cage of images for all our relations based on our own wishful assumptions. The cage became so binding that we failed to acknowledge the situational reality around as well as within! We chose to freeze ourselves in these images and completely lost in touch with the ever-dynamic reality around and within!! My dear friend, you chose the cage and you insist to be within the same!!! Just try once ... just get out of the cage and take a fresh breath outside ... feel the freedom within ... feel your ever-lasting fusion with the world around ... feel your universal presence irrespective all the images that hound you from within ... who isolated you from your true self which IS ALL??? Think ... Recall ... Krato Smara ... Kritam Smara ...
How can you be alone when you are eternally connected to everything else in this universe?
How can you be lonely when you ARE ALL and everything is verily you as such??
When there is nothing but THAT how can there be any notion such as loneliness???
Trust me! Either way, you can't be lonely even if you try hard!! Loneliness is a notion generated by ignorance. The same individual pride or ego or identity that was created by this ignorance which you embraced with awe has turned into this depression of loneliness. Therefore, question the identities you admired, amassed and adored to their core with absolutely no passion. Break open the shackles of those identities encore. Loneliness has no place where FREEDOM alone remains. When FREEDOM alone remains the lonely entity OUGHT TO become THE FREEDOM as such ... THAT IS THE LAW! THAT IS THE ONLY LAW ... EVERYTHING IS THAT AS SUCH ...
Yada sarve prabhidyante hridayasyeha granthayah |
Atha martyo'mrito bhavati etaavadhyanushaasanam ||
Respects.
Naga Narayana.
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Hari Om
A guest came to a lonely sadhak's home and stated: You were alone and now I have come to give you company. Sadhak replied: I was not alone. I was with my God.
Now that you have come, I have become lonely. My God vanished as soon as you entered.
Jai Shree Krishna
Vyas N B
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Dear AR namaste!
One has to study religion to see how great it is! If you study it first, chances are you wouldn't be depressed!
One feels lonely because one thinks too much about oneself only isolating oneself from family, friends, society, scriptures by always thinking "what is in it for me?"
It is important to get out of depression first. Take the help of psycho therapy/medicine if chemically imbalanced!
Another surest way is to do self-less work, such as volunteering, getting involved with people!
Live a God-centered life, asking His help as often as you can to free you from loneliness! Trust Krishna to do it so!
Why depend on ISKON organization? You can do it right now!
It sounds like you are running away from situations of being lonely and that is why you are depressed!
Don't run away from situations of loneliness by going to places like ISCON, etc. Of course these may be great organizations!
Face them with courage! Situations are temporary, they come and go!
Once you are out of depression, then everything will fall in place!
Krishna will guide you to places if you need!
Namaskar...........Pratap Bhatt
----------------------------------------------------
Dear Divine Sadhak,
An excellent opportunity for you to perform intense sadhna........loneliness, depression all are just feelings , look into it. You may find that you just are not enjoying your own company, that is why "feeling" lonely and depressed.
So to be with your self is the solution. Please start doing following things and you will soon be able to enjoy every moment of life-
1. Meditate, meditate and meditate: research on internet, try some meditations or get initiation into higher mediatation techniques.
2.Read Bhagwat Gitaji again and again. It is the book of life solutions. You will find yours.
3.Share your understanding with this group. This gita-talk group is a group of people who are living according to Krishna's teachings, they have deep insights ..........
4.Watch your breath, this is a 24 hr work, which will keep you out of negative emotions and will bring a new understanding, a new joy in you............
Do all of the above at least 21 days and share your experience with us.........
May all good and auspicious things manifest in your life.........
with love and regards,
Sadhna
===============================================
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